bitch the fuck you mean “nevermind” i paused my music for you
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i just picked up a new hobby called “messaging people on facebook i’ve never actually talked to demanding they give me back my fucking sandals”
He is now resting. He is now at peace. Our nation hast lost its greatest son. Our people have lost its father.
Next Time You’ll Know Better
Have you ever walked into a room and found a vampire?
No, not the sexy kind, but a foul creature with bony limbs and ashen skin? The kind that snarls as you enter, like a beast about to pounce? The kind that roots you to the spot with its sunken, hypnotic eyes, rendering you unable to flee as you watch the hideous thing uncoil from the shadows? Has your heart started racing though your legs refuse to? Have you felt time slow as the creature crosses the room in the darkness of a blink?
Have you shuddered with fear when it places one clawed hand atop your head and another under your chin so it can tilt you, exposing your neck? Have you squirmed as its rough, dry tongue slides down your cheek, over your jaw, to your throat, in a slithering search that’s seeking your artery? Have you felt its hot breath release in a hiss against your skin when it probes your pulse—the flow that leads to your brain? Has its tongue rested there, throbbing slightly as if savoring the moment? Have you then experienced a sinking, sucking blackness as you discover that not all vampires feed on blood—some feed on memories?
Well, have you?
Maybe not. But let me rephrase the question:
Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly forgotten why you came in?
if you’re good looking and you talk to me first, the only thing going through my mind is:
ALL HAIL BENANTI SASS.
my Dad makes dad jokes but because hes a physics teacher theyre not common dad jokes
"hey dad, whats up?"
"Up is a directional vector with no force"
AUSTRALIAN CHRISTMAS ADS ARE SO GREAT
SCREW YOU AND YOUR SNOW WE HAVE SURFING SANTAS AND HAMS
my chemistry teacher calls babies “fresh humans”
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youtube being a little sassy
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